Step One
by ljubav1986
Summary: Helen's final confrontation with John before she places Ashley's embryo in stasis.


**A/N: **This is the first thing besides research papers and legal memos that I've written in probably 10 years...so I would LOVE any feedback that you want to give me. I wanted to write a Teslen story, I really did, but I heard How to Save a Life by The Fray and this wouldn't go away. It makes sense that part of the reason Helen shuts herself off from everyone is because she holds herself partly responsible for what happened to John. I did throw a few Teslen snippits in there for good measure :-)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Sanctuary, sadly. Please don't sue me, I'm judgment proof anyway 3

"Step One"

Helen heard the "crack" of John's arrival in her drawing room before she saw him. Helen had a book in her lap, researching the properties of elementals. She looked up from the book, startled momentarily. His eyes looked a bit more clear than normal tonight; maybe she would be able to reach John, her John, beneath the monster that had taken his form.

"We need to talk." Helen watched John's imposing figure as he paced the length of her drawing room. "John, please, sit down. I just want to talk to you," she pleaded, holding back the tears that were threatening to ruin her confident exterior. She brushed aside a blonde curl that had fallen loose and waited for John to return to her side of the room and sit in the chair across from her.

He finally sat, staring straight through Helen with a not-entirely-pleasant grin on his face. "What is there left to say, darling? We both know the facts of the case clearly. The research on the source blood was your idea. Injecting it was your idea. In fact, you were the one who gave me the injection of source blood. The source blood which turned me into a blood thirsty monster much more dangerous than that pesky Serbian will ever be. You made me, Helen. All those dead women are a product of your creation."

She stared out the window, desperate for words. "You made yourself, John. You were the only one of the five to turn evil, and I cannot believe that you did not already have a predilection for such." She wondered why she was still trying. No matter what she said, he would not agree to let her help him. Whether it was because of pride or the mistaken belief that his blood lust was her doing, Helen was never sure. "However, I do take a measure of responsibility. I did not see what was happening soon enough. I…" she faltered. "Maybe I could have helped you."

John glanced at her sharply, his eyes narrowed. "You couldn't have helped me because you were too busy hunting me."

"I had no idea that you were the killer James and I were pursuing. How could I have?" In truth, she knew she should have seen it sooner. She was so blinded by her love for John that she couldn't see the evidence right in front of her. They were all blinded, even James. It had taken Helen catching him in the act of what was, as far she knew, his latest murder. Even then, they were all still shell-shocked, like it was a bad dream they couldn't wake up from.

"Oh, you knew," he growled, "You were just too stubborn to admit that you were wrong to choose me. Will you run to Tesla now? Or maybe James?" His voice was filled with a mixture of curiosity and rage. She had to try to keep his rage at bay or he might spiral out of control. Again.

"John," she pleaded, "You know that it could ever only be you. Things between us are broken right now, but if you let me help you, maybe we can set things right…"

"What then? We move to the cottage by the shore…" she cut him off with a glare. That line was getting old. John had been her love, her confidant, her friend. She knew it didn't matter what she told him. They could never go back. Not after all the women he had murdered, and certainly not after last week when he had appeared in her bedroom, eyes filled with rage…she shuddered at the memory, wondering not for the first time why she was trying to talk to him, why she still loved him despite everything.

"No, it will never be me again, Helen. You made that clear. I will love you for all eternity, and you will inevitably run off with that snarky vampire. You never see what is right in front of you, Helen! You don't see what we could be…" He trailed off, his anger growing and his eyes starting to cloud over. Helen saw him reach towards his pocket.

"John!" She spoke darkly, practically a whisper. "Let me help you, please. I'll never give up trying to find a way, if you will only let me."

"You've done enough…" the sound of his voice told Helen he was losing his grip. She choked back a sob of fear.

"Then get out. And don't come near me again. John, I've loved you but I won't have you jeopardize all my father and I have fought to build." Not to mention the life she discovered was growing inside her….

He pulled the knife from his pocket and dove towards Helen, who was frozen in her seat. "This dance isn't over," he leered before he vanished from the room.

….

James heard her weeping a few minutes later and found her curled up in a ball in her favorite chair. "He was here." It was a statement, not a question.

"Oh, James, where did I go wrong? How is it that I can save everyone and everything except the people I love?"


End file.
